fic: Noel Nouvelet
Dec. 7th, 2009 09:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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mini_festTitle: Noel Nouvelet (A New Christmas)
Author/Artist:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hereticalvision
Disclaimer: This fanfiction is based on the work of JK Rowling. No infringement intended, no money being made.
Summary: Snape has never had a Christmas he could enjoy.
Warnings: Angst, non-explicit references to domestic violence, magical torture and death
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Severus Snape
Word count: 1090
Prompts: A Christmas Alone
A/N: With thanks to LD for the speedy, awesome beta. Title from my favourite carol, "lyrics and music here". Christmas should be a time of new beginnings, I think, and hopefully the fic reflects that.
As a child in the Snape household, Christmas had been a sombre affair. Mum's family had cut her off for marrying a Muggle and Father's didn't speak to him because he drank too much. So it was only ever the three of them, with no "company" to ensure polite behaviour, or head off Father's drunken lash outs. In his early years, Severus had been hidden in a wardrobe by his mother every Christmas so that he would only hear his father beat his Mum, and would have to neither witness it nor defend her. When he got a bit older, he was torn between wanting to defend her – which he could never force himself to do, having been on the end of his father's fists often enough to be getting on with – and despising his mother for her refusal to just curse the Muggle scum so that he would understand once and for all just how inferior he was. Severus covered his ears as though he was still a baby and wished them dead, both of them, so he could be alone.
Once Severus was attending Hogwarts, he would stay there over Christmas. Some of his fellow Slytherins would be there every year; never Malfoy or any of the Black sisters or the purebloods with places to go, but sometimes Mulciber. Severus was grateful for the company. Lily always went home, of course, and Severus wished she would invite him too. She'd looked sad in first year when he'd told her he wouldn't be around Little Whinging over the holidays, saying, "I hoped we could talk about school together – it's going to be so strange going home." And Severus felt the tug of her need for him, but he couldn't. He couldn't go back to his parents' house, not until the summer when there was absolutely no escaping.
By third year Lily hadn't seemed surprised by his decision. By the end of fifth they were no longer speaking.
So on Christmas Day of Severus' sixth year, he was sitting with Mulciber while Dumbledore twinkled over them all, hating all the purebloods who never invited him to visit just as much as the Mudbloods who still had families somehow. All Severus could ever hope for was to be left alone and even that, it seemed, was too much to ask.
Mulciber did, however, invite him to visit that summer, which was something. Severus declined.
Christmas with the Death Eaters was not, as may be imagined, a terribly jolly affair, though from a certain perspective – i.e., that of Bellatrix Lestrange, it could be regarded as fun. The Death Eaters took the opportunity that a day of holiday and relaxation afforded them, and struck as hard as they could at their enemies. Severus was with Regulus Black and Barty Crouch that Christmas when they murdered Edgar Bones and his entire family – three children. None were older than ten. Barty stunned them all while they were opening their Christmas presents and then cruciated Bones' wife and children each in turn while Bones was forced to watch. Severus had kept looking back from the door to his companions and thinking about how this family might have had a better chance than his. Rather than hating them for it, all at once he felt something he hadn't known since the day Lily slammed the Gryffindor portrait in his face. He shoved it aside and focused on the physical; Bones' face contorted, Regulus looking miserable, Barty looking luminous with joy. Severus could only imagine he looked hollow, the way he always felt these days. With a sigh he pulled out his own wand and methodically killed every Bones in the room over Barty's protests. Regulus flashed him a look that Severus recognised and he knew then, It will be one of us who breaks.
Severus wanted to go home immediately to be alone, but of course he couldn't, not until they'd made a report and bowed to the Dark Lord. And then, of all the indignities, there was a drunken revelry with Muggles available for torture and no way to leave.
Christmas at Hogwarts after the war had been a slightly more horrifying replay of Severus' teenage years; same food, same stupid hats, same awkward joviality that Severus always knew was barred to him not because he was excluded but because he could never, despite Dumbledore's best efforts, understand it. He could never feel that warmth, taken away from him so long ago, and even as he craved it he had no idea how to reach out for it and instead steadily drank the mead provided until he was allowed to escape.
And then Lily's son had appeared, Lily's eyes looking at him out of James Potter's face and Severus did not know how he would bear it. All he wanted, all he ever wanted, was to be thousands of miles away from everyone who taunted him with their happiness or hatred.
His last Christmas at Hogwarts was spent without students, in the company of Death Eaters who distrusted him and long-standing colleagues who despised him. The feast was held as tradition demanded, and afterward Severus found himself at a celebration of the Dark Lord's power, silent and impotent and hating. At least he hadn't had to torture any of his students that day. That was something, he supposed.
Severus is dead now. Dumbledore visits from time to time and Severus is too proud to ever let him see how much his mentor's understanding moves him. He has, however, managed to accept Lily's forgiveness, managed to hold her and not resent the letting go, managed to almost weep without feeling exposed. He has managed to make all the amends he ever can and now he is left to rest. This is his reward:
It is Christmas Day and he is in his quarters at Hogwarts. He had a glass of warm mead, spiced to perfection, and a plate spelled to produce any item of Christmas food he asks for. He has an excellent book on the properties of potions ingredients so obscure that he had never managed to obtain it in life. He has a roaring fire and a window to the snowy scene outside. And so on Christmas Day, Severus Snape sits in solitude and silence with a good book, good wine and a good meal. After dinner, the plates disappear and the sheets he slides beneath are warm.
It is all he ever really wanted, really. At last, Severus Snape is allowed to be alone.
Author/Artist:
hereticalvisionDisclaimer: This fanfiction is based on the work of JK Rowling. No infringement intended, no money being made.
Summary: Snape has never had a Christmas he could enjoy.
Warnings: Angst, non-explicit references to domestic violence, magical torture and death
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Severus Snape
Word count: 1090
Prompts: A Christmas Alone
A/N: With thanks to LD for the speedy, awesome beta. Title from my favourite carol, "lyrics and music here". Christmas should be a time of new beginnings, I think, and hopefully the fic reflects that.
As a child in the Snape household, Christmas had been a sombre affair. Mum's family had cut her off for marrying a Muggle and Father's didn't speak to him because he drank too much. So it was only ever the three of them, with no "company" to ensure polite behaviour, or head off Father's drunken lash outs. In his early years, Severus had been hidden in a wardrobe by his mother every Christmas so that he would only hear his father beat his Mum, and would have to neither witness it nor defend her. When he got a bit older, he was torn between wanting to defend her – which he could never force himself to do, having been on the end of his father's fists often enough to be getting on with – and despising his mother for her refusal to just curse the Muggle scum so that he would understand once and for all just how inferior he was. Severus covered his ears as though he was still a baby and wished them dead, both of them, so he could be alone.
Once Severus was attending Hogwarts, he would stay there over Christmas. Some of his fellow Slytherins would be there every year; never Malfoy or any of the Black sisters or the purebloods with places to go, but sometimes Mulciber. Severus was grateful for the company. Lily always went home, of course, and Severus wished she would invite him too. She'd looked sad in first year when he'd told her he wouldn't be around Little Whinging over the holidays, saying, "I hoped we could talk about school together – it's going to be so strange going home." And Severus felt the tug of her need for him, but he couldn't. He couldn't go back to his parents' house, not until the summer when there was absolutely no escaping.
By third year Lily hadn't seemed surprised by his decision. By the end of fifth they were no longer speaking.
So on Christmas Day of Severus' sixth year, he was sitting with Mulciber while Dumbledore twinkled over them all, hating all the purebloods who never invited him to visit just as much as the Mudbloods who still had families somehow. All Severus could ever hope for was to be left alone and even that, it seemed, was too much to ask.
Mulciber did, however, invite him to visit that summer, which was something. Severus declined.
Christmas with the Death Eaters was not, as may be imagined, a terribly jolly affair, though from a certain perspective – i.e., that of Bellatrix Lestrange, it could be regarded as fun. The Death Eaters took the opportunity that a day of holiday and relaxation afforded them, and struck as hard as they could at their enemies. Severus was with Regulus Black and Barty Crouch that Christmas when they murdered Edgar Bones and his entire family – three children. None were older than ten. Barty stunned them all while they were opening their Christmas presents and then cruciated Bones' wife and children each in turn while Bones was forced to watch. Severus had kept looking back from the door to his companions and thinking about how this family might have had a better chance than his. Rather than hating them for it, all at once he felt something he hadn't known since the day Lily slammed the Gryffindor portrait in his face. He shoved it aside and focused on the physical; Bones' face contorted, Regulus looking miserable, Barty looking luminous with joy. Severus could only imagine he looked hollow, the way he always felt these days. With a sigh he pulled out his own wand and methodically killed every Bones in the room over Barty's protests. Regulus flashed him a look that Severus recognised and he knew then, It will be one of us who breaks.
Severus wanted to go home immediately to be alone, but of course he couldn't, not until they'd made a report and bowed to the Dark Lord. And then, of all the indignities, there was a drunken revelry with Muggles available for torture and no way to leave.
Christmas at Hogwarts after the war had been a slightly more horrifying replay of Severus' teenage years; same food, same stupid hats, same awkward joviality that Severus always knew was barred to him not because he was excluded but because he could never, despite Dumbledore's best efforts, understand it. He could never feel that warmth, taken away from him so long ago, and even as he craved it he had no idea how to reach out for it and instead steadily drank the mead provided until he was allowed to escape.
And then Lily's son had appeared, Lily's eyes looking at him out of James Potter's face and Severus did not know how he would bear it. All he wanted, all he ever wanted, was to be thousands of miles away from everyone who taunted him with their happiness or hatred.
His last Christmas at Hogwarts was spent without students, in the company of Death Eaters who distrusted him and long-standing colleagues who despised him. The feast was held as tradition demanded, and afterward Severus found himself at a celebration of the Dark Lord's power, silent and impotent and hating. At least he hadn't had to torture any of his students that day. That was something, he supposed.
Severus is dead now. Dumbledore visits from time to time and Severus is too proud to ever let him see how much his mentor's understanding moves him. He has, however, managed to accept Lily's forgiveness, managed to hold her and not resent the letting go, managed to almost weep without feeling exposed. He has managed to make all the amends he ever can and now he is left to rest. This is his reward:
It is Christmas Day and he is in his quarters at Hogwarts. He had a glass of warm mead, spiced to perfection, and a plate spelled to produce any item of Christmas food he asks for. He has an excellent book on the properties of potions ingredients so obscure that he had never managed to obtain it in life. He has a roaring fire and a window to the snowy scene outside. And so on Christmas Day, Severus Snape sits in solitude and silence with a good book, good wine and a good meal. After dinner, the plates disappear and the sheets he slides beneath are warm.
It is all he ever really wanted, really. At last, Severus Snape is allowed to be alone.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2009-12-07 03:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-07 05:36 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2009-12-08 02:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 10:51 pm (UTC)And I appreciate how you've shown him to have his peace now.
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Date: 2009-12-16 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-23 03:05 am (UTC)